A new year. . . as a "blogger", used loosely since I am not the greatest at always keeping this wonderful mode of communication and expression updated, I would be remiss to not include a look behind, reflecting upon lessons learned and then, to look forward, taking in where I stand now as a woman who is ever changing and where God wishes to take me along this journey of life that He has so intricately and amazingly crafted for us all to encourage, love and lift up one another, all in Christ's name and for God's glory!
2010 was full of moments, as each year is. Sad ones, happy ones, angry ones, silly ones, crazy ones, quiet ones. . . it was, as each moment is, a time to live. Each moment was a time to not live for what I desire, but for what God desires in me. Each moment, I chose. I chose to fall to my flesh and disobey and downright disregard God's will for my life. I chose to praise Him and seek Him in the smallest giggle of my children and in the biggest moments on my knees before Him, ever so grateful, even in my shame, for His infinite grace and unfailing mercy in forgiveness. I chose to be loud, too loud to hear myself think, let alone to hear God speak. I chose to be quiet before Him, closing out the distractions and focusing in on His face alone. I chose to raise my voice to my children and snap at them for no good reason. I chose to ask for forgiveness, from a holy God and from my beautiful girls, for unholy anger and hearts broken. I chose to laugh off the things of childhood and teach my children, directing them in the ways of the Lord outlined in His Word and prayerfully holding my tongue and training theirs. I ate way too many "bad" things for me and not near enough "good" things, defiling the temple a bit with each time of gluttony. I p90x'd, Insanity'd, tae bo'd and ran and pushed my body to the extreme and saw just how amazingly intricate and strong that God made the human form. I nagged my husband, although, I always find ways to justify it and a thesaurus full of words to name it something else. I asked forgiveness for not respecting him and having faith that he will do what he says he will do. I found new things out about my Godly husband as he grew in God's Word and in His desire to love Christ more, therefore, loving our family more! I forgot about God some moments and didn't consider Him in anything. I spent time with God, drinking in His Word and basking in His beauty.
Some friendships slowly passed away, or at least, evolved, and I mourned. I missed my sweet friends, the ladies I "did life" with and even now, I still miss them dearly, but praise God for computers, phones and even short visits and trips to catch up over breakfast. My friendship with my best friend continued to evolve, becoming stronger, more solid, and even more fun in the circumstances of life and a tool to learn and grow, sharpening each other, even from miles away. My truest friends came to my rescue more than once, with a skype, an email, a phone call, a text or a visit, reminding me that God always provides and many times, He does so through our closest and most wonderful, God fearing and God honoring friendships. I became excited for a move to a new town with new opportunities to love God and love people. I moved and felt lonely, sad and a bit, ok, WAY out of my element and I cried. I was reminded of God's new mercies every morning and I drank them in in bucketfuls, waiting for God to reveal Himself to me. I felt His arms wrap around me, over and over.
I look forward to what's ahead and I am thankful for what's behind. I dance, I sing, I mourn, I cry, I laugh, I whine, I lose, I gain, I rest, I wrestle. . . I am not THERE, but I am getting THERE. I will never be THERE, but I am moving forward and am so blessed for it all!
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14