Monday, September 03, 2007

Learning to just keep quiet!

This blog is all about being a mommy (as well as a wife) who is continually learning about this gift called life, so that, in turn, I can teach my beautiful girls how to behave, how to enjoy each moment, and hopefully, even learn from the many mistakes I have made. Fortunately, for them, not me, I have lots of stuff I have learned from as I am human and my flesh takes over so many times, revealing my weaknesses.

Recently,I have "injured" a relationship that I hold very dear. This person has been super supportive, very loving and quite open in sharing with me, so that I may glean from her experience as a more experienced, learned adult herself as well as feel the love and support that should come from such a relationship. As usual, in my haste, my flesh took over, and unintentionally, I said things that not only hurt this person, but also made her feel like a failure to me, deeming her to believe that I wish for her to be excluded from aspects of my life. I brought upon her hurt by uttering words that I thought would be a relief to her, but instead, brought forth only heartache and resentment. I messed up. I chose to use words before looking to God to help me sort my thoughts out, which would have probably lead to a more positive outcome, as is the case when consulting with the person who created your very soul and knows those silly thoughts and "good intentions" that make up who you are. I made a choice to speak when I should have just simply remained silent, and unfortunately, all choices have consequences, some being negative. All I can do now is sit back, pray fervently that God will mend this relationship and grow me to somehow keep quiet and be content in the silence of learning and listening.

Now, this is a mommy blog, so I pray that my girls will learn as I continue to grow that yes, they will at times choose hurtful words, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that have consequences that may or may never be corrected. If I can spare them of the pain of injuring those relationships that they hold the dearest by sharing with them my own experiences and the importance of recognizing when simple silence is more important than trying to "fix" or "explain" things, then at least I have reconciled myself to move past the experience and on into a brighter future of staying quiet and still, looking to God before opening my mouth.

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)


Nicole said...

~the beauty of being a Child of God is that we breathe "new life" every morning. We were put here for relationships. With every relationship comes hurt. It's how we were created. We were also created to reconcile, forgive and grow. I pray that this relationship heals and becomes stronger. You are on the right path and God will lead you...

You are SO beautiful!

Lelakay said...

Thank you for your ever loving, ever encouraging words. I know that God will make a way and His way, although possibly not fast, is always perfect. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts that are always so fervent and constant. I love you, Nicole!